Being the Only Woman Leader in the Room

Sep 29

9 min read

Updated: 6 days ago

Smiling woman in black stands in front of a modern cityscape with tall buildings and greenery. Overcast day with soft lighting. — This is what being a Software Director in the early 2000s looked like

I still remember walking into rooms, on every continent, where I was the only woman leader in sight.

With more than two decades of tech leadership experience, I want to talk about what it feels like to be an 'only', and why women in leadership and inclusive tech are still topics we can't afford to stop pushing.

I share this because my own experience might help someone in a similar spot right now. Hearing from others has always helped me, and I think women speaking up here can close a blind spot for male leaders too. That's a big part of why I built my company: so we all get a chance to be the best leaders we can.

If this resonates, then here's my story, some hard data, and the tips I wish someone had given me for navigating the 'only' waters.

Women in leadership statistics
Women in technology leadership statistics
Navigating being the 'only' woman leader
Top tips: navigating being the 'only' women in the room
Top books: women in leadership
Final thoughts
References

Women in leadership statistics

The 2025 report, now in its 11th year from LeanIn.Org and McKinsey, still frames the problem in exactly these terms:

In many industries, women are still too often the only woman in the room. These onlys face a tougher reality: they're more likely to feel excluded, scrutinised and under pressure to represent their entire gender.

29% of C-suite roles are held by women, unchanged since 2024, despite a decade of the study tracking the numbers.
93 women are promoted to manager for every 100 men, the 'broken rung' that still limits how many women reach senior roles at all; for women of colour it's just 74.
31% of entry-level women have a workplace sponsor, versus 45% of entry-level men, one reason the pipeline of future women leaders keeps narrowing.

Women in technology leadership statistics

According to a research study, women in senior leadership roles often experience a lack of legitimacy due to male-dominated workplace cultures and gender bias. This 'psychological glass ceiling' can hinder their leadership potential. A 2024 follow-up on the Legitimacy Trap shows this legitimacy must be continually re-earned, even once a woman reaches a senior role.

That gap follows women into the AI era, and the numbers are starker there.

The last UK-wide figures before the Tech Talent Charter closed in 2024 put women at 29% of the tech workforce and 21% of senior tech roles.

Men hold nearly eight in ten AI jobs, and almost nine in ten of the senior roles shaping the technology, according to UN Women's 2026 Gender Snapshot.

Occupations done mostly by women are almost twice as likely to be disrupted by generative AI as those done mostly by men, the ILO found. And women are still missing from the rooms designing it. If you're leading through that shift, see my tips on leading digital transformation in the age of AI.

Navigating being the 'only' woman leader

My first few years in tech were unusual.

Our team was 70% women, and I was involved in every hire.

We looked for potential, not just credentials: arts graduates who became engineers, engineers who became product leads. None of that insulated me from what came next. I've faced prejudice, stereotyping and blunt assumptions about my competence more times, and started to notice a 'honeymoon period' with new male colleagues. My warmth read as too soft, and they tested my assertiveness and my knowledge.

By my early 30s, I was promoted to Technical Director, travelling the world to visit clients and usually the only woman leader in the room. Sometimes clients rarely addressed me, rarely shook my hand, and asked questions to my male colleagues.

Allyship kept me sane!

I've written more about why inclusive leadership from allies matters.

Here's the toolkit I built, one encounter at a time.

Top tips: navigating being the 'only' women in the room

Remind yourself - you're a trailblazer

Yes, you are. I never told myself this enough! Okay, this is hard, but bear with me. While you may feel self-doubt and all those horrible negative feelings, remind yourself that if you are the only woman in the room, you are paving the way for others. So before you go into that meeting, go to the loo and repeat out loud, "I am a trailblazer. I am powerful. I am loved." Replace the narrative in your head - it does make a difference. Most of the doubts you're carrying are exactly the kind I unpack in Top 10 leadership myths, debunked.

Take up space

When I walk into any meeting, I greet new people first and sit in a prominent position. I used to hide in the back, but those days are over. Remember, you deserve to be there - you're not a token but a valuable contributor.

Pair assertiveness with warmth

There's a reason being the 'only' can feel like a trap: assertive without warmth reads as cold; warm without assertiveness reads as a pushover. That's not folklore; it's the stereotype content model (Fiske, Cuddy and Glick, 2002), the peer-reviewed finding that how we judge people rests on exactly two dimensions, warmth and competence, and status follows people who read as both.

Alison Fragale builds a practical playbook on top of that research in Likeable Badass, and her sharpest line is the one that surprised me most: women are rarely punished for being assertive. They're punished for being assertive without warmth.

The fix isn't to soften the ask, it's to keep the ask and add the warmth alongside it. Say the person's name before you disagree with them. State your point plainly, no hedging. Then check in on how it landed. Assertive and warm together is what earns status, not just power.

Speak early in meetings

Real research backs this up.

A 2020 study in The Leadership Quarterly found that speaking time, not the quality of what's said, predicts who a group perceives as its leader, and that effect held even after controlling for intelligence, personality and gender. Once you've spoken, the group starts hearing you as someone with a seat at the table. Stay quiet through the first ten minutes, and you're fighting an uphill climb for the rest of the meeting.

This resonates with me. I remember my confidence ebbing the longer a meeting went on without me saying anything; the silence got heavier, not lighter.

The fix isn't to have something brilliant to say. Prepare one low-stakes line before you walk in: a clarifying question, a one-sentence reaction to the agenda, an acknowledgement of someone else's point. Say it in the first five minutes, before the conversation has fully formed. You're not trying to win the meeting. You're trying to be a voice the room already expects to hear from by the time it matters.

Prepare to be ambushed

This is bloody annoying but a reality. Be prepared for some men to respond more aggressively to you than they would to other men. When it first happened to me, I was shocked that someone in the workplace would talk to me like that unprovoked.

Microaggressions...I've lost count of how many times male colleagues (once over the niceties) challenged me for the sake of it. Let's see what she is made of. Has she earned the right to be here, or is she here to make up the numbers? In some cases, that was pretty much spelt out to me. It was a regular dance, and I learned how to do it well. I am good at it - but it's taxing and tiring.

You have a choice of what to do. Either address it in the moment or when you are ready to have that conversation.

Stand your ground and have some go-to comments ready to hand. Use a calm, but firm, tone to convey that the comment is unacceptable.

Could you explain your intention in saying that?
That comment was inappropriate. Don't speak to me that way.
What you just said is disrespectful. Don't speak to me that way.
I find that comment offensive and unprofessional. I expect to be treated with courtesy.

Note the time and place; if other people are in the meeting, talk with them afterwards. If this persists, speak to HR. You do not have to put up with this.

Imposter feelings are real, but imposter syndrome is made up

Yellow post-it with the following hand written on it: "Not only do I belong here. They need me!"

I used to label my self-doubt as Imposter Syndrome. I felt like luck, rather than ability, drove my success. Now, I realise that systems that work against under-represented groups fuel self-doubt. Check out my article on Goodbye imposter syndrome and my suggestions for reframing this. If self-doubt is the loudest voice in the room, believe me, you're not the only one with an inner critic either.

Take an intersectional lens

Consider the intersectional lens and begin recognising the various barriers women encounter. Just because you are the only woman in the room doesn't mean that your experiences are the same as those of other women, nor does it mean you can see the systems working against you or other women. Women are not a monolith. Race, class, disability and sexuality all compound differently, which is the whole point of Kimberlé Crenshaw's TED talk.

I had to get informed and learn about systems to start to see them. Many systems that govern our lives (economic, social, political) are complex; some operate in ways that aren't immediately obvious. Check out my Top books: women in leadership list below.

Don't go it alone

Being the 'only' can be draining.

Find your community.

If you can't find anyone at work, go outside the workplace to networking events, either in person or online. There are plenty - check out my Women in tech inclusion guide for some pointers. I've attended many free women in tech networking events, and they are super inclusive and designed for you. You can try some online first and then go to real events if you feel a bit awkward - but when you walk into a conference filled with women in tech, it's a huge dopamine rush. This UK women in tech and leadership conferences guide is a good place to start looking.

Find allies, mentors, and sponsors

Be proactive in finding allies, mentors and sponsors.

I've had many brilliant people like this in my life - and still do. My first job in tech laid the foundation of what I expected from a leader and an ally. He saw my potential and told me. He gave me opportunities to develop and shine. He stood up for me and battled the stereotypes with me.

Many men feel nervous about doing or saying the wrong thing. So let them know what could help in different contexts, i.e., when you are being talked over, or your ideas are being stolen. Look for supportive colleagues who amplify your voice and ideas, and build relationships across the organisation to expand your influence.

At a couple of critical career junctions, I turned down promotion opportunities because of self-doubt. A conversation with the right person could have changed that.

If a promotion is on the table and self-doubt is loud, this is worth a read before you say no.

Hype each other

We can influence each other's power and status. Hype and promote yourself indirectly by becoming a champion for others. If you are a new leader, look for talent coming up behind you - hype them. If you are a senior leader, recruit your promoters to ensure your accomplishments get noticed in rooms you don't have access to.

Stop people from interrupting you

Kieran Snyder's 2014 research in a tech context showed that men are almost three times as likely to interrupt women as they are to interrupt other men, and that women interrupt each other constantly and rarely interrupt men.

My go-to phrases:

I appreciate your enthusiasm, but I’d like to complete my thought first.
I’d like to finish my thought.
I can't hear you when you interrupt me.
Hold onto that thought until I finish.
I’d like everyone to hold their comments until I finish my point.

See also Stop saying sorry for more on speaking with confidence at work.

Top books: women in leadership

📚 Want the full list? I could write you a page on each of the books that shaped my thinking here, but I've already done that properly: see my Top 7 books: women's empowerment list for the ones I'd put in every new leader's hands.

Final thoughts

This isn't just a pipeline problem anymore, it's an AI problem. The same rooms that shut women out of senior tech roles are now the rooms deciding what the technology can do and who it serves. If you're the only woman in that room, you're not there to make the numbers look better. You're there because the alternative is a decade of AI built entirely by people unaware they're even wearing blinkers.