Stop Saying Sorry: Speak and Write With Confidence at Work
- Fern Beauchamp
- May 28
- 7 min read
Updated: May 28
Have you ever caught yourself starting an email with “Sorry for the delay” when you’re only a few hours late in replying? Or prefacing a suggestion in a meeting with “Sorry, just a quick thought…”?
If so, you’re not alone.
Apologising is a sign of humility and emotional intelligence - when it’s warranted. But for many professionals, especially women, “Sorry” has become a reflex, a verbal tic that slips into emails, meetings, and conversations far too often. It's a common habit, especially in the workplace, however, it can undermine your confidence, authority, weaken your message, and even impact your career advancement.
In this article, we explore why we are saying sorry too much, how sorry shows up in our communication, and - most importantly - how to break the habit and own your voice at work.
Contents
Why Do We Over-Apologise?
Over-apologising is not just a quirk; it’s a learned behaviour shaped by cultural and social norms, workplace culture, people pleaser tendencies, or to avoid conflict.
This tendency is especially pronounced among women, and even more so for those who find themselves as “the only” in the room - whether as the only woman, person of colour, or underrepresented on a team. The heightened visibility that comes with being in this position can amplify self-doubt and imposter feelings. This self-doubt can make people more likely to apologise unnecessarily, simply for speaking up or taking up space - when you’re unsure of yourself, it’s tempting to cushion every request or opinion with an apology.
Stop Saying Sorry for Nothing
Books on women's empowerment often address these experiences, offering strategies that help readers recognise that these feelings are common. These top business books offer reassuring advice from those who've navigated similar challenges, providing practical tools for handling with self-doubt and learning to communicate confidently.
While over-apologising is especially common among women, often due to social conditioning that encourages them to be likeable and non-threatening, it isn’t just a “women’s issue”. Many men also struggle with over-apologising, particularly those who want to be seen as approachable or who fear rocking the boat. For many, apologising can be a way to soften a message, appear polite, or pre-empt criticism, but it is not helping you.
📚 Check out our 25 Must-Read Leadership Books 2025 for more recommended reading.
Apologetic and Weak Language in Written Communication
Online messaging is a breeding ground for weak language. Phrases like “Sorry to bother you”, “Just checking in”, or “I was wondering if…” may seem harmless, but they can make you appear less confident.
Examples of weak language in writing:
“Sorry for the late reply.” (when you’re not actually late)
“Just wanted to ask if you had a chance to look at this.”
“I was hoping you could help me with…”
How to strengthen your written voice:
Replace “Sorry for the late reply” with “Thank you for your patience”.
Swap “Just checking in on this” for “Following up on my previous message”.
Instead of “I was hoping you could help,” try “Could you assist with…”.
Small tweaks can make your communication clearer and more assertive - without sacrificing politeness.
Apologetic and Weak Language in Spoken Communication
It’s not just emails. In meetings, presentations, and even casual conversations, apologetic language can creep in. You might say, “Sorry, can I add something?” or “I’m not sure if this makes sense, but…”
Common spoken weak language:
“Sorry, I just have a quick question”.
“I’m probably wrong, but…”.
“This might be a silly idea, but…”.
These phrases can make it sound like you lack confidence in your ideas, even when you have something valuable to contribute.
How to sound more confident:
Replace “Sorry, can I add something?” with “I’d like to add a point”.
Instead of “I’m probably wrong, but…” say “Here’s my perspective”.
Drop the “just” and “might be silly” - state your idea directly.
The Sound of Silence
One of the most powerful communication tools is silence. You don’t need to fill every pause with apologies or qualifiers. Allowing yourself a moment to think before responding, or letting your words stand without an immediate follow-up, can project confidence and authority.
Silence gives weight to your words and allows others to process what you’ve said. It also signals that you’re comfortable with your presence in the conversation - no apology necessary.
The Cost of Saying "Sorry" Too Much
While being polite is important, over-apologising can have unintended consequences, especially those who are “the only” in the room. For those already navigating impostor feelings, excessive apologising can chip away at their impact and advancement.
Excessive apologising can:
Undermine your authority
When you apologise unnecessarily, you send the message that you lack confidence in your own ideas or actions. Over time, this can erode others’ trust in your leadership and expertise.
For underrepresented groups, this effect is magnified, since they may already be battling stereotypes or doubts about their competence; every unnecessary “sorry” can reinforce those biases.
Dilute your message
As Alison Fragale, the author of the rather fabulous Likeable Badass, one of our must read leadership books, explains on the HerMoney podcast, “weak language” like constant apologies, or minimising statements (“I just wanted to say…”) makes your communication less impactful. Your important points get lost in a sea of self-effacement.
This is particularly costly when you’re the only one in the room representing your perspective - your voice deserves to be heard clearly and confidently.
🎧 Check out our 15 Top Leadership Podcasts for 2025 for more podcast inspiration.
Wastes time and energy
Apologising for things that aren’t your fault - or for simply doing your job - distracts from the real work. It can also make interactions awkward, as others rush to reassure you that you did nothing wrong. This emotional labour is an extra burden, especially for those already feeling pressure to prove themselves.
Set a precedent
If you’re always the first to say sorry, colleagues may come to expect it, or even take advantage of your willingness to shoulder blame. This can create an unhealthy team culture and reinforce the idea that your needs or contributions are less important.
Over time, these patterns can impact career progression, salary negotiations, and how colleagues perceive you. For those in underrepresented groups, the cost is even higher, as it can perpetuate cycles of self-doubt and missed opportunities. Recognising and addressing this habit is a crucial step toward building a confident, empowered presence at work.
When Is an Apology Appropriate?
Of course, there are times when an apology is necessary. If you’ve made a mistake, missed a deadline, or caused inconvenience, a sincere apology is the right thing to do. Sincere apologies build trust, repair relationships, and demonstrate accountability. However, the key is to apologise only when it’s warranted, and to do so clearly and concisely.
A good apology:
Acknowledges the issue (“I missed the deadline on this project”)
Takes responsibility (“That was my oversight”)
Offers a solution or next step (“Here’s how I’ll prevent it in the future”)
But apologising for:
Asking a question
Sharing your opinion
Taking up space in a meeting
Sending an email
Needing help
Setting boundaries
…is not only unnecessary, but also counterproductive.
Avoid over-explaining or apologising for things outside your control. Save your apologies for when they truly matter - they’ll carry more weight.
How to Break the Sorry Habit
Breaking the over-apologising habit takes practice and self-awareness - and leadership coaching is an effective way to kick-start this. Coaching helps leaders stop over-apologising by building self-awareness, confidence, and communication skills tailored to their workplace challenges. There are also some actionable steps to help get a head start:
Notice your triggers
Pay attention to when and why you tend to apologise. Is it with certain people? In specific situations? Is it when you disagree with someone? When you ask for clarification? Keep a journal or make a mental note each time you say “Sorry” at work.
Pause before you speak or write
Before hitting send on that email or opening your mouth in a meeting, pause and ask yourself: Is an apology really necessary here? If not, rephrase.
Replace with gratitude:
Turn apologies into appreciation:
“Thank you for your patience”
“I appreciate your feedback”
“Thanks for your time”
This shifts the focus from your perceived shortcomings to positive engagement.
Replace “Sorry” with stronger language
Instead of “Sorry to bother you” try “Do you have a moment?”
Instead of “Sorry, I have a question” try “I have a question”
Instead of “Sorry, I don’t understand” try “Could you clarify that for me?”
Instead of “Sorry, but I think…” try “I have a suggestion”
Practice Assertive Communication
Assertiveness isn’t aggression - it’s clarity and confidence. State your needs, opinions, and boundaries without apology.
“I’d like to add something”
“Let’s revisit this point”
“Here’s my perspective”
The "Sorry" Jar
Introducing a "Sorry jar" at home, in the office, or even virtually with colleagues is a fun way to become more aware of unnecessary apologies. The idea is simple: every time you catch yourself saying “Sorry” when it’s not warranted - like apologising for asking a question - put a small amount of money into the jar. Over time, this visual and financial cue helps you notice how often you use apologetic language and encourages you to pause before defaulting to “Sorry”. Plus, you can use the money for a team treat or donate to charity, turning the habit-breaking process into something fun.
The Power of Owning Your Voice
When you stop over-apologising, you signal that you value your time, ideas, and contributions. This doesn’t mean being rude - it means communicating with confidence.
Owning your voice is especially important for those who face pressure to be “nice” or accommodating. By speaking up without unnecessary apologies, you set an example and open doors for others to do the same.
Final Thoughts
Apologies have their place - but over-apologising is a habit worth breaking. By becoming more aware of your language, replacing apologies with gratitude or assertiveness, and modelling confident communication, you’ll not only boost your own career, but also help create a more empowered, respectful workplace for everyone.
So, the next time you’re tempted to say “I’m sorry” for simply showing up, asking a question, or sharing your perspective - pause. Take a breath. And speak up, unapologetically.
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