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You're Not the Only One With an Inner Critic

71% of US chief executives say they experience impostor feelings, and it becomes more common the higher you climb, not less (Korn Ferry, 2024).
Nine-panel collage of a woman in a black polka-dot shirt making varied facial expressions on a gray background.

Whenever inner critics come up in a coaching session and I share that this is normal, I see the same thing happen: relief. 


People are genuinely surprised to learn they are not the only ones with a harsh voice in their head. We walk around with excellent poker faces, quietly assuming everyone else has it together.


They do not. The critical inner voice is close to universal; we are just very good at hiding it. And it tends to get loudest at exactly the wrong moment: when you are standing in front of a big decision. This is a guide to meeting that voice, understanding where it comes from, and making sure it doesn't get the final say on your life's biggest choices.


Contents



Everyone has an inner critic (they just hide it well)


You are not alone. 


The inner critic- that stream of negative self-talk telling you that you are not ready, not good enough, or about to be found out- is one of the most common things I see in leaders at every level. Often the higher someone climbs, the louder it gets, because there is more to lose. It shows up as impostor feelings, perfectionism, or a quiet fear of being exposed, and it feeds on distorted thinking that treats one wobble as proof you do not belong.


Two things are worth knowing.


  1. First, it is genuinely common: a review of 62 studies covering more than 14,000 people found impostor feelings are widespread across professions (Bravata et al., 2020).


  2. Second, it is not a disease. The psychologist who named it, Pauline Rose Clance, deliberately called it a phenomenon, not a syndrome, and first noticed it in high achievers. It tends to travel with capability, not a lack of it. I say impostor feelings, not a syndrome, on purpose: there is nothing wrong with you, and feeling out of your depth is a normal part of doing anything worth doing.


It feels so isolating because it usually lives in our blind spot. We hear our own critic in high definition and assume everyone else is as calm as they look. They are not.


🤔 Reflective question: When did you last assume everyone else in the room was more sure of themselves than you?


What Positive Intelligence and Saboteurs actually are


In our programmes, we give those inner critics a name. 


We use Positive Intelligence, a mental-fitness framework created by Shirzad Chamine from his work with hundreds of thousands of leaders. It is a practitioner tool rather than peer-reviewed science, but it is one of the most useful maps of the inner critic we have found.


It calls these inner voices Saboteurs. There is one master Saboteur, the Judge, the part that beats you up over mistakes, warns you obsessively about risk, and finds fault with you and everyone else. The Judge recruits accomplices: the Hyper-Achiever who ties your worth to results, the Controller who needs to be in charge, the Hyper-Vigilant who scans constantly for danger, the Pleaser, the Avoider, and the Stickler who insists everything be perfect.


On the other side sits the Sage, the calmer, wiser part of you that can see a situation clearly and choose well. The work is simply shifting the balance of power from one to the other.



Your Saboteur is not your enemy


Here is the part people do not expect: your Saboteur is not bad. 


It formed early, usually to protect you, and it often worked.


The Hyper-Achiever probably drove a lot of your success.


The Controller may have kept you safe when life was chaotic.


The Hyper-Vigilant has spotted real risks.


When leaders realise this, something shifts, and some even lean in, almost fond of the voice that got them here.


There is even evidence for the upside.

A recent study of professionals found that those who had more frequent impostor thoughts were rated by their managers as more interpersonally effective, because the self-doubt kept them humble and tuned in to other people (Tewfik, 2022). The voice that nags you can also be the voice that keeps you listening.

The trouble is that a survival strategy from your past can quietly run your present. A Saboteur that served you brilliantly at 20 can hold you back at 45, especially when it starts making your biggest decisions for you.


🤔 Reflective question: Which of your inner critics has served you well, and where might be holding you back?


Why they get loud at the big decisions


Saboteurs are fear-based, so they get loudest when the stakes are highest. 


A promotion, a career change, a move, leaving something safe for something unknown. These are exactly the moments the Judge and its accomplices come alive, and they are clever: they do not sound like fear; they sound like wisdom. "Now is not the right time." "You are not ready." "Who do you think you are?" It is caution dressed up as common sense.


I wrote about this in The Scariest Yes in Your Career: the urge to say no to a big opportunity is often just a Saboteur protecting you from the discomfort of growth, not genuine wisdom about the decision.


💡 Tip: When a decision fills you with dread, ask whether you are hearing wisdom or a frightened Saboteur. They feel different. Wisdom is calm and open; a Saboteur is urgent, absolute, and a little mean.


How to quiet the inner critic, with or without a coach



You cannot delete your Saboteurs, but you can turn the volume down. 


None of this needs a retreat or a diagnosis. It is a handful of small habits you can start on your own today.


  • Name them. Take the free Saboteur Assessment. In about ten minutes, it shows your strongest few. You cannot manage what you have not named.

  • Catch and label. When the voice starts, name it in your head: "that is my Judge." Simply noticing it loosens its grip.

  • Ask whose voice it is. Separate the Saboteur from the facts. "Is this my Controller talking rubbish?"

  • Answer with self-compassion. Research on self-compassion shows that treating yourself with the kindness you would offer a friend quiets self-criticism far more effectively than arguing with it.

  • Bring in a coach. You can do all of this alone, and it helps. A coach speeds it up, because they can challenge the Saboteur subjectively when you cannot. We build this work into EMPOWER, our leadership development programme.


🤔 Reflective question: If you spoke to yourself the way you speak to someone you love, what would change?


Decide from your Sage, not your Saboteur


A Saboteur isn't bad, but it shouldn't hold the pen on your biggest decisions. 


Meeting your inner critic isn't about silencing it or pretending it's gone. It is about recognising the voice, thanking it for trying to keep you safe, and then choosing, deliberately, from the calmer and wiser part of you. When you are aligning your life with what actually matters, that is the voice you want in charge.


So the next time you face a big yes, notice who is talking first. Then decide from your Sage.


🤔 Reflective question: Whose voice do you want making your next big decision?


Ready to meet your Saboteurs and lead from your Sage?




References


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