7 Things No One Tells You When You Become a Manager

Dreaming of becoming a people leader?

Or have you just been promoted to your first management role with zero training?

Well, you are not alone...

There's more to being a leader than many expect. If you are not having at least one challenging conversation a day, then you are probably not leading.

For example;

• How do you lead a demotivated team, furious about the latest changes coming from the top?

• How do you handle communicating the latest company restructuring?

• How do you inform the team that their 2-year project has now been cancelled?

• How do you support employees going through a tough time?

There are numerous books on leadership theories and models, as well as articles offering leadership tips and advice. In contrast, we present 7 Things No One Tells You When You Become a Manager.

These are drawn from real experiences to help you "see around the corner" into what it can mean to be a people leader.

1. No one tells you, you might not like it

74% of managers felt they lacked the necessary influence or resources to support their teams effectively - Microsoft

Many people are promoted into leadership, often without training, because they excel in their current position. It can be flattering to be promoted to manager - I mean, how hard can it be? The reason you might not like it may be due to a lack of training and support.

💡 Action

Ask for leadership development support. Reflect on your leadership styles, your strengths, and areas of challenge. If you still dislike being a people manager, consider making a plan to pivot to a role you love. Leading by influence is open to anyone; leadership is about impact, not title - see Top 10 Leadership Myths – Debunked.

2. You'll spend way more time managing emotions than tasks

"90% of managers globally say that supporting team members through challenging personal life crises is a major part of their role" – Circle In, 2024.

The same survey also reports that managers are spending more than five hours per week providing emotional support to team members struggling with these issues.

As a manager, your day isn’t just about getting projects delivered. It’s about navigating people’s emotions – listening, supporting, and empowering – the moods, frustrations, wins, and conflicts.

💡 Action

Take time to understand what motivates each person. Learn how to ask great questions. Great team culture is built on human-to-human conversations where leaders show genuine interest in people as individuals and cultivate trust.

➡️  Check out 30 Questions Great Leaders Ask Their Teams.

3. Your team’s wins and fails? You own them – even the messy bits

"70% of employee engagement variance comes down to the manager" - Gallup

Your team's struggles are your struggles. When a project doesn't go according to plan, or an idea doesn't work, take responsibility - don't badmouth your team. Don't fear mistakes; if you do, your team will too. Engagement will falter. Without experimentation, there’s no innovation. Equally, shout about your team's accomplishments. Accomplishments don't speak for themselves.

💡 Action

Drive ownership within the team. Create spaces where mistakes are learning moments, not blame games. Make it clear responsibility runs both ways – you support, but people own their results. Reflect on your behaviour when things go well or go wrong - see The Critical Leadership Skill of Reflection. Your behaviour sets the tone for your team’s culture.

4. You really don’t need all the answers.

"A study of more than 1,000 employees across 90 teams found that leaders who actively engage their teams in decision-making and problem-solving increased both team effectiveness and individual work engagement."

Having all the answers is another big leadership myth. So, stop stressing about having it all figured out – it’s totally normal not to, and often it's empowering for your team if you don’t. Create a culture of openness and learning, which encourages teams to think out of the box.

💡 Action

Create a culture of asking great questions – rather than telling your team what to do. Get comfortable saying "I don’t know, but let’s find out" and invite your team into problem-solving.

5. Making unpopular decisions is part of the job

"76% of people with highly empathic senior leaders report often or always being engaged, compared to 32% of people with less empathic senior leaders" – Catalyst

Making unpopular decisions is a part of leadership - from staff restructuring, closing office locations or cancelling projects. Communicate difficult news with clarity and empathy, so your team understands the "why" behind tough choices.

💡 Action

Draw on your emotional intelligence skills and learn how to have tough conversations. Empathy is critical. You shape your team culture by modelling honesty with kindness in challenging times.

5. Your calendar disappears – your time feels hijacked

According to Fellow's 2024 State of Meetings report, U.S. employees spend at least 20% of their workweek in meetings, with senior executives spending up to 35%.

It's easy to let your calendar run away with itself. Take control of it. Make time to support and develop your team, build your leadership skills, and drive your projects and company strategy.

💡 Action

Challenge the status quo of your meeting culture. Schedule shorter meetings and default to 20-minute meetings to keep meetings focused and efficient. Block off dedicated focus time regularly - ideally at least 1-2 hours daily - for uninterrupted work. Build buffer times between meetings to ensure a proper transition and avoid back-to-back Zoom fatigue.

6. You’ll feel out of your comfort zone (and that’s a good thing)

"82% of UK managers entering a management position have not had any formal management or leadership training" - Chartered Management Institute (CMI)

It’s normal to feel unsure, awkward, or even lost as you start managing a team. It’s also completely normal – and necessary – to seek leadership development support when stepping into a management role. 

How are you supposed to "just know" what to do? Being a leader often means you’re facing new challenges, new people, and new expectations. It can feel uncomfortable – because you’re developing. Embracing it will help you become a more confident and effective leader over time.

💡 Action

Ask for leadership development support or training. Find a mentor. Find a leadership coach. For example, engaging in leadership coaching is an effective way to build confidence, sharpen your skills, and navigate new challenges. CMI research found that managers receiving leadership training "are significantly more likely to feel confident in their management abilities (83%) compared to those who have not (71%)".

Summary

Becoming a people manager is hard and not for everyone. However, for some, it is very rewarding. Becoming a great leader is a lifelong learning journey that never stops. Just remember, your team doesn't want superhero magic; they want a leader who cares, listens, empowers, and is courageous in both taking responsibility when things go wrong and cheering for the team when things go great.

➡️ Support yourself

Check out our EMPOWER 1:1 leadership coaching, leadership group coaching, leadership development and workplace culture consulting services for support on your leadership journey.